8/5/21 ***It's just a mild depression

 Even so, it is enough to throw me off balance.

My brain had been hijacked by Carbs Cravings.

I need to stabilize back my blood sugar.

So today I fail OMAD LCHF.  Tomorrow I try again.

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I need to get back to my routine again.  

This is key:  I NEED TO CONTROL MY CARBS INTAKE.

Smoking cigarettes was a FATAL mistake.  That's it...  No more meeting smokers until the next Ramadan.

So here are my recent enemies:

• Insomnia
• Hunger 
• DEPRESSION
• Lack of motivation

Besides carbs, how do I fight these?

Get back to basics:

• IF
• OMAD LCHF
• Butter
• Coffee
• Exercise
• Sleep

I experimented with butter just now.  It works.

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Of course, my ultimate aim is to free myself from bipolar.  That I need to fight by being steadfast and persistent.

Even if I cannot solve this problem, I should be able to manage my condition by being able to function within my own capacity as a person with a disability.

That however should not stop me from pursuing my goal as an Athlete Warrior on the path of Athlete4Life.

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I don't really know Sarah.  When it happens I feel very normal indeed.  But when I look back at the situation, then I realize that some of the thoughts don't make much sense.

 That's why I decided to keep on moving north.  If I look back, I become disappointed with my own thoughts.

My conclusion is to not think too much about what had transpired but to accept it as part of the illness.

That is my consolation.

As for my goal to run the 21 km Hill Run, I will use that as my beacon of hope.  That will keep me occupied for the next 4 years.

Other than that, I have no particular aspiration.  I basically had achieved most of my goals in life.  This one is my Ikigai.

While I am a cracked egg, I feel very fortunate to be able to live a life that is free from any social constraints.  I am given the freedom to think and act.  That I appreciate very much.  I will be pretty useless behind bars or within the social structure.

Therefore, this illness is actually my liberator.  This is exactly what I become given the freedom to be who I am.  I become a Scavenger Rat Sigma Male.

Is this happiness?  You betcha...  I have very few worries..

Man, I love my life.  Without depression, I am a man fulfilled.  Hence I need to manage myself so that I am not depressed.

Being in mania is not something desirable but it beats depression anytime.

mm