9/5/21 ^^^I think I am finally experiencing the real awakening

 Honey, baby, the love of my life,

Today is the turning point for me to accept that beyond fuzzy thinking lies the polarity of absoluteness.  

This is the stage Zen Master, Shrunyu Suzuki described as, "Form is form and emptiness is emptiness."

In plain English, although the practice of Zen is about dealing with paradoxes, there come a time where a Zen practitioner has to draw a *li[k]e (line) between vagueness and clarity.

* You had been very patient, Sarah.

Read on darling, then you understand how complex it is dealing with mental illness:

Basically, I am a mentally distressed person who is highly imaginative.

There is nothing beyond what we can imagine.

Therefore, I decided to be as level-headed as possible.  I accept that I am a mental patient and I am nobody special.

There is nothing beyond.  Suppose I am not sick, I would have become an Agnostic Atheist.

What I am experiencing now is the Believing Mind.  Should I stop believing, then all the occurrences are [] (nothing) more than delusions of grandeur.

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What is real then?  None other than my ambition to run the 21 km Hill Run.  That is something I can strive for EVEN IF I don't make it.

I need to cure my own illness.  It took John Nash 30 years.  I'm going to settle my issues in 20.

Basically, for me to be well, I have to let go of ALL the beliefs I had for the past 21 years.  What is left is nothing more than my desire to be an Athlete Warrior.

Just forget about everything else.

Can I do that?  Can I reboot myself and start on a clean slate?

Can I forgo everything that I know *a[s] (and) accept that I am nothing more than a person with a disability striving to be a man fully functioning?

* Tha[nk] (That) is a comforting thought.

So you want God?  We all are gods to our Universe Within.  To be a god is a man fully functioning.  That is to run.

Beyond that, I am not interested.  Maybe when I achieve my goal to run the 21 km Hill Run, I will revisit this hypothesis again:

We are One and we are Many.  We are within God and God is within us.  Much like peeling an onion.  In every layer there is God.  All matters are intelligent and all matters are gods.

Until then, I really want to concentrate on becoming a man fully functioning.  I want to whack my Ace for the next four years.

mm